“Oh, what a feelin’, when you’re dancin’ on the Grave of Civilization!”

This week Penny Scout and I have run around the woods, cooked on rocks, fed fish that had more mouth than fish, and although mountain lions don’t “officially” live in Pennsylvania, personal experience says otherwise. You may think that having another feral friend would encourage more feral activities and less failures, though it seems that life here resembles my life in Portland almost perfectly; cook, eat, play, sleep.

Penny picked me up from the airport and our scout adventures began immediately: she had fresh fish and vegetables to prepare in the parking lot of the airport, which we would then wrap in foil and cook using the heat of the engine as we drove a couple hours to our first destination. It never really got that hot so we ended up cooking it over the gas stove at her grandparents cabin. I’ve had enough trouble with food poisoning lately.

Penny puts more fuel in our oven

We successfully experimented using slate rocks as cooking surfaces for some steaks. We had to build up the fire a couple times to fully cook the meat. The greens we cooked in a wok.

Steak on a Slate

We then went to the Allegheny Reservoir where the fish have become tame from tourists like me feeding them “fish food” that looks and smells an awful lot more like dog food. We discussed eating one, but a fish eating a diet of dog food doesn’t sound that appetizing.

Domestication at its finest… I mean ugliest.

We stopped by the Kinzua Dam for sight-seeing.

Anti-Civ fantasies

We thought about stopping for some 12 inch wegies, but we decided against it. We prefer 24 inches.

Your guess seems as good as any…

Penny took me to work with her for a day. While she logged plant data I wandered off to a nearby cliff that looked like it may have some caves. I found a few really nice ones. Then I found an awesome one that I would have to climb to get to. I walked to the base of the cliff and heard something shuffling around up above… something big. I thought, “Bear? Cougar? Get the fuck out of here?” I began to quickly walk back towards Penny and her work cohorts. My heart raced. I stopped and looked back and I could swear I heard something breathing deeply. My body started to tremble and I retreated as fast as possible.

“Uh… I found some caves.” They looked up at me from their clipboards and clickers, slightly surprised by my ecstatic expression, “I heard something in there.”

“Like a porcupine whine?” Penny asked.

“No… Like something big.”

“A bear?” James offered.

“Mmm. Maybe?”

They finished their plot and we ventured cautiously over. I noticed right away something I hadn’t noticed before; the strong smell of urine. We all stood below the cave brandishing sticks. I pointed up towards where I heard the noise.

“Up there.”

“Hmm. Yeah, you would have to climb to get…”

We stood there for a second when it started up; a deep, low, hiss-like breath. (If you’ve seen Lord of the Rings, think “ring wraith”)

“…What the fuck?!”

Everyone took a step back. I grinned feeling safe now that a group of 4 stood with me.

“See what I mean.”

The breathing continued. We stood for a while below and debated what to do. What kind of animal hid up there? Officially cougars do not live in PA. But cougars don’t really listen to officials. And this definitely sounded like a Big Cat. We climbed around up top and searched for cougar sign but found none. I offered $50 to anyone brave enough to go in the upper entrance but had no takers, so we headed back to the car.

On our way back we passed a mud puddle, which I have trained myself to always look for tracks in. I took up the rear and so everyone had passed it when I glanced down and saw fresh cougar tracks. Mystery solved. Cougars do live in PA. Over the last few days Penny and I have slept in caves and rock shelters, and I can’t help but keep one eye open… or both.

Cave-Dwellers Anonymous

Now… I know what all of you sit there dying to find out; did me and Penny Scout hit it off? What did we feel when we met at the airport? Did we instantly fall in love, or has it felt awkward and uncomfortable? Do we hate each other? Have we spent quality time building a solid friendship or have we spent most of the time making sweet, sweet love? Well sorry, but Urban Scout doesn’t kiss & tell…

But we sure look hot together, no?

Team Scout Will Kill You With Sexy

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