Get a job. Get a job? You’re stealing from people. Taking from them. You’re a vampire. No, I’m trying to live another way… I’m trying to escape. You haven’t escaped shit. You sit around on your fucking computer all day, driving your girlfriend crazy with your weird sayings and movie quotes and commercial jingles you randomly puke up. You’ll never escape this way.
Well fuck. How the fuck do I get out of this mess? Last week was great, I foraged and ate real meat that I picked off the road. I didn’t go to the grocery store that day. If you were really trying to escape you wouldn’t be in the city. Get out of the city. But my friends live here. My family lives here. They don’t give a shit about the collapse. They’re just as blind as anyone else. You’re not doing them any good, and they’re certainly not doing you any good. I guess… No, you’re wrong. I need them. I get bored and lonely without them. That’s because you’re weak. How does that make me weak? Can’t you fend for yourself? Can you act like a man and provide for yourself and a family. Isn’t that what you want? A family? Yes, I’d like that very much. Then what the fuck are you doing this stupid little project for? You can’t feed and clothe and house a family like this? What woman would want to live that way? Sasha sure doesn’t. You need a job, with benefits. You need to get your shit together. Save some money. But what about my sanity? Do you want a family or not? I do. Then give up the primitive act. There’s no culture for it. Where would you live? One of you would have to work. Someone would have to pay the bills. Give this shit up. But it makes me happy. Working a job makes me crazy! Hahaha. Listen to you’re bullshit. You’re going crazy anyway. You’re 25. You don’t have much time left to start a family… maybe 7 years, 10 years at most. You don’t even have a job! Or an apartment. But I need this. I want this life. Do you? Do you really want to be a homeless, jobless, wifeless, childless, freak? You preach all about how important family is, but you never do anything about it. You’ve got these high ideals. You’re just a stupid kid who needs to grow up. So maybe I am. That’s right, you are. You were really stupid for quitting your jobs. I mean, if you had stayed with that coffee shop, you’d probably be a manager by now. If you cared. But you didn’t did you? You never really put forth any effort, just like in school. Doing enough just to get a passing grade. And that’s your whole life. When your silly little inheritance runs out, you’ll be fucked and have to get a job anyway. And if you have to get a job, you’ll have to have a house, so you’ll have to pay rent and bills again. You’ll have to start at an entry level position, all over again, all because of your stupid ideas. Yeah, I probably will. No, you KNOW you will, asshole. You may as well save what dignity you have and get a job NOW. You’re just dead wait on your community until then. Free-loading, trustafarian. That’s what they think of you. I mean, you don’t even accomplish half the shit you set out to do on a weekly basis. And it’s not like the stuff is real hard. What the fuck are you doing the rest of the time anyway? It’s not like you have any REAL work to do. I don’t know. Yes you do. You mope around and check your myspace like any other unemployed lazy ass. You think you’re doing the world a fucking favor? You’re not doing SHIT! YOU SUCK. GET A FUCKING JOB! YOU’LL NEVER ESCAPE, YOU’LL NEVER FUCKING ESCAPE! GIVE UP!
Now go smoke a cigarette. What? A cigarette. You feel like having one now, right? Kinda… well yeah. So go get one. You know the guy upstairs will bum you one right now. Stop typing this trite “woah is me aren’t I weird cause the voices in my head†bullshit and get a cigarette. Nah. GOD DAMMIT GO SMOKE A CIGARETTE! Um, no. I’m just going to keep bugging you until you do it. You’ll bug me after that too, we’ve been through this before. You can’t last, you’ll smoke one at some point. You’ll get a job, smoke a cigarette and never think about rewilding ever again. I know you will. You have no other choice.
Somedays I believe it… almost enough to quit.
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9 responses to “The Constant Colonizing of My Mind”
Yep.
Nope.
We all(except people who only care who won this years super bowl) have this type of dialog in our heads. The only difference between what you are attempting, and the way the rest of us are living, is that we have the past 4,000 years of history to back us up. I think Jensen discusses this better than anyone. Basically you look like a freak because of us, not because of you.
It comes down to this. We are all living a lie. So fuck us, fuck you, move on.
Some people like yourself are willing to take a look at that lie, and play around in the muck. The muck that is the area between the lie we live, and the reality that petroleum man will someday be extinct.
So are you wasting your time? Maybe. Maybe not.
If after your year, you decide to get a slave wage job and re-enter society, no harm done.
So quit fucking worrying about it. It’s a mucky fucking mess, and you are puking up the crap that has been implanted in your head by 25 years of life listening to propaganda.
Loosing a year of work experience isn’t going to destroy your future employment opportunities, no matter what your family(or the voice in your head) tells you.
Just think if Peak oil really does hit, or something else finally takes out this death wish culture we have come to know…who the fuck do you think your family and friends are going to go to for answers on how to survive? You will never forget this year of your life, and that is reason enough to keep on keeping on.
If you think you are too much of a freak, just think how the average person today would look to a pre-civilization person…and then remember who’s lifestyle was built on generations of knowledge, and who’s is built on lies, and the enslavement of people around the world…not to mention which one will be around in another 100,000 years.
Now for some advice:
Do ONE thing every day(video games don’t count).
Seems simple, and like you wont get enough done, but it works. Some days it will be a big thing that takes all day, some days it will be ‘working on my blog’. But make the goal the night before, and then get it done. If you are tired or lazy, make that a day where you can get that thing over in an hour…if you are up for it….boil some water for tea, or take a bath or something…
So go enjoy yourself… go build a fire in the tp, and sit by it warming yourself as the crappy spring weather plays mind games with you. Just soak up the knowledge and strength of the fire….do it all day if you have to.
And then ignore what everyone else thinks(uh, except me of course…)(or more likely what you think they think) and get on with it.
I think we all have that voice. My partner has actually given his a name so that he can identify the voice more easily. And he finds that it is useful sometimes. His is named Joe (the voice, not my partner). Joe is good at toeing the line, say, when you get pulled over for speeding and have an eighth in your bag in the back seat. “Yes sir, no sir, I am a fine upstanding citizen and homeowner sir.” But Joe is also very judgmental about the rest of the characters on the committee, many of whom are not fine upstanding citizens. Joe is not allowed to head up the committee very often.
Have you ever tried mapping the characters that live in your head?
That voice is so destructive. Thank you for reminding me not to listen to mine 🙂
We all(except people who only care who won this years super bowl) have this type of dialog in our heads. The only difference between what you are attempting, and the way the rest of us are living, is that we have the past 4,000 years of history to back us up. I think Jensen discusses this better than anyone. Basically you look like a freak because of us, not because of you.
It comes down to this. We are all living a lie. So fuck us, fuck you, move on.
Some people like yourself are willing to take a look at that lie, and play around in the muck. The muck that is the area between the lie we live, and the reality that petroleum man will someday be extinct.
So are you wasting your time? Maybe. Maybe not.
If after your year, you decide to get a slave wage job and re-enter society, no harm done.
So quit fucking worrying about it. It’s a mucky fucking mess, and you are puking up the crap that has been implanted in your head by 25 years of life listening to propaganda.
Loosing a year of work experience isn’t going to destroy your future employment opportunities, no matter what your family(or the voice in your head) tells you.
Just think if Peak oil really does hit, or something else finally takes out this death wish culture we have come to know…who the fuck do you think your family and friends are going to go to for answers on how to survive? You will never forget this year of your life, and that is reason enough to keep on keeping on.
If you think you are too much of a freak, just think how the average person today would look to a pre-civilization person…and then remember who’s lifestyle was built on generations of knowledge, and who’s is built on lies, and the enslavement of people around the world…not to mention which one will be around in another 100,000 years.
Now for some advice:
Do ONE thing every day(video games don’t count).
Seems simple, and like you wont get enough done, but it works. Some days it will be a big thing that takes all day, some days it will be ‘working on my blog’. But make the goal the night before, and then get it done. If you are tired or lazy, make that a day where you can get that thing over in an hour…if you are up for it….boil some water for tea, or take a bath or something…
So go enjoy yourself… go build a fire in the tp, and sit by it warming yourself as the crappy spring weather plays mind games with you. Just soak up the knowledge and strength of the fire….do it all day if you have to.
And then ignore what everyone else thinks(uh, except me of course…)(or more likely what you think they think) and get on with it.
Dude, I’ve had the job and been the manager. Big, fuckin’ deal. The higher up the ladder you go, the more of a slave you are. Sure benefits have their benefits, but they don’t fully benefit you. And you have to fight in order to get any kind of benefit out of them.
25? Yet another big fucking deal. I didn’t have my baby until I was 8 years older than you. You still have time for that shit.
Just remember, every thing you need to know about life you learned when you rose out of high school. That’s life. You’re more alive than I can hope to be yet. So bury your cigarette at the roots of some miners lettuce in thanks to the spirits, and go take a bath in some rainwater to cool off.
And know that I support you.
I would want to live that way! Not in Portland, but that’s only because I’m not from Portland. Wouldn’t matter if you had 1000 acres in rural Oregon, still wouldn’t want to live there. Plus I’ve read about childern who grew up with crazy parents like say surfers living in a van and they loved it. Their childhood was just neverending fun. I can’t wait to have children because I think of how much fun we will have together. I don’t think you are a trustafarian. I don’t know how much you inherited but I’ve dated guys with say $100,000 dollars. That would last you a lot more than a year on the streets. I know those voices well. Especially the ones about “what exactly do you do all day?!”
don’t quit. you have escaped thus far and most of the time you know you can keep going…there is so much further beyond this madness of civilization. we will have to go on. at some point, our families and friends will have no choice but to follow on the path leading away into the wild.
as far as wanting a family goes, kids can easily run naked, sleep in a tent, unschool and eat dandelions if need be. in fact, they much prefer the uncivilized lifestyle, as they are far more innately connected to the primal human state than any adult. your wife would probably be thrilled to have a man who knows how to hunt some wild meat with a bow an arrow.
it was nice meeting you at your potluck. i am truly re inspired to continue at escaping…
Yep.
Nope.
We all(except people who only care who won this years super bowl) have this type of dialog in our heads. The only difference between what you are attempting, and the way the rest of us are living, is that we have the past 4,000 years of history to back us up. I think Jensen discusses this better than anyone. Basically you look like a freak because of us, not because of you.
It comes down to this. We are all living a lie. So fuck us, fuck you, move on.
Some people like yourself are willing to take a look at that lie, and play around in the muck. The muck that is the area between the lie we live, and the reality that petroleum man will someday be extinct.
So are you wasting your time? Maybe. Maybe not.
If after your year, you decide to get a slave wage job and re-enter society, no harm done.
So quit fucking worrying about it. It’s a mucky fucking mess, and you are puking up the crap that has been implanted in your head by 25 years of life listening to propaganda.
Loosing a year of work experience isn’t going to destroy your future employment opportunities, no matter what your family(or the voice in your head) tells you.
Just think if Peak oil really does hit, or something else finally takes out this death wish culture we have come to know…who the fuck do you think your family and friends are going to go to for answers on how to survive? You will never forget this year of your life, and that is reason enough to keep on keeping on.
If you think you are too much of a freak, just think how the average person today would look to a pre-civilization person…and then remember who’s lifestyle was built on generations of knowledge, and who’s is built on lies, and the enslavement of people around the world…not to mention which one will be around in another 100,000 years.
Now for some advice:
Do ONE thing every day(video games don’t count).
Seems simple, and like you wont get enough done, but it works. Some days it will be a big thing that takes all day, some days it will be ‘working on my blog’. But make the goal the night before, and then get it done. If you are tired or lazy, make that a day where you can get that thing over in an hour…if you are up for it….boil some water for tea, or take a bath or something…
So go enjoy yourself… go build a fire in the tp, and sit by it warming yourself as the crappy spring weather plays mind games with you. Just soak up the knowledge and strength of the fire….do it all day if you have to.
And then ignore what everyone else thinks(uh, except me of course…)(or more likely what you think they think) and get on with it.