Natures Bounty… Hunters!
I try to avoid the newspapers as much as I can but I saw this photo on a paper tossed in a paper rack at my favorite taco joint and had to pick it up. It made me so fucking angry, as papers do, which shows you why I don’t read them, that I had to rewrite the article here for you to see, along with my commentary.
Take a look at this headline (in the “Sustainable Life” section):
Okay, you had me at “ravenous trash fish,” hook line and sinker.
By Nick Budnick
Pamplin Media GroupOn a recent cloudy Friday, perched in a black low-slung fishing boat stained by guts and bait, Nikolay Zaremskiy pulled a steady stream of money from the Columbia River in the form of muscular, slimy bills.
These wriggling prizes are not the usual stuff of anglers’ daydreams–rainbow trout or glittering stealhead. Far from it. These are northern pikeminnows, ravenous predators that prey on helpless young salmon smolt as they migrate downstream from their spawning grounds to the Pacific.
“Ravenous predators.” It seems obvious to me that right off the bat we have this statement made twice already. Maybe if the writer says it over and over again it will make it true. It looks like they just don’t even try to hide their propaganda anymore. Well, shit. They don’t even have to. Most of the stupid fucks out there read that and think, “Those fucking ravenous fish! Let’s fucking kill them all!”
Pikeminnows devour millions of salmon and steelhead every year. So voracious is their appetite, in fact, that experts think they kill as many as all the Columbia River’s massive hydroelectric dams combined.
What the fuck. Read that a few times. Can you see the irony there? The Dams kill millions of salmon every year. They said it, not me. And yet, who takes the wrap? First the sea lions, now the pikeminnow!?! Anyone but us! I love how experts *think* that. What experts? Who *thinks* that? I *think* a lot of things. Not all of them stand true. Okay, but get this:
Pikeminnows thrive in reservoirs, so the construction of hydroelectric dams on the Columbia River triggered a massive increase in population.
So you admit the pikeminnow problem wouldn’t exist if the dams didn’t exist? So not only do the dams themselves kill “millions of salmon” but there mere existence creates habitat for one of the salmons natural predators to kill “millions” more. And as a response civ blames the fish? …Cool. Oh snap, check out this editorial response from the Pikeminnows Weekly:
Civilizationists devour millions of salmon and steelhead every year. So voracious is their appetite, in fact, that expert pikeminnows think they kill as many as all we pikeminnows eat! Yeah, and they call us “ravenous predators!” HA! They brought the salmon populations down to only 1% from where they stood 100 years ago, and created the perfect habitat for our species… And now they want to call us ravenous predators!?! FUCK YOU CIVILIZATIONISTS! You made us! Your dams killed the salmon! You did this! YOU!!!!
Yeah. I totally agree with that pikeminnow. Fuck you guys. Back to the terrible article:
In an effort to put a lid on this relentless slaughter, the Pacific States Marine Fisheries Commission has tried methods from trapping to netting – and even considered poison. None of it seemed like a good fix.
“Relentless slaughter.” I seriously didn’t make this up. These people are fucking insane. Just fucking insane. Just. Remove. The Fucking. Dams.
In the end, the agency settled on a time-tested approach from the outlaw days of the Old West. Declaring the species a menace to society it put a bounty on the fishes head, attracting a small but ruthless armada of anglers like Zaremskiy who share a single passion – preying on the predator at eight bucks a pop.
I declare that this civilization stands as a menace to all species. In response I say we hire Nature’s Bounty Hunters, those who work for the bounty of nature itself to do some real work around here. Check out this silly poster I made as a way of expressing my anger through art:
According to the rest of this fish-hate piece of propaganda, this guy has made $50,000 so far this season and “will single-handedly save at least 160,000 salmon from being swallowed into oblivion.” I wonder how many more salmon you could save by taking that fifty grand and investing it in a few well placed explosives?
Assholes.
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EXCELLENT post, Scout. Brilliant analysis. Assholes… beyond redemption.
Beautiful poster!!!!!!!!!!!! I want a few! I think they should be posted EVERYWHERE!!!!! Please let me know how I can get some from you!
I have a poster too:
You should print your article and somehow slip it into the copies next time your at the news stand 😛
man. might wake some people up
i’m unabashedly borrowing your agriculturists unwanted poster and inserting it various places. no worries, all proper credit will be given.
thanks, keep up the good work.
j.
for collapse/no compromise.
I also think that’s a great poster- so talented!
I have just one thing to add; in that same paper this week, there is an ad with a cute picture of a polar bear reading “Our zoo needs you! Vote Yes on measure something-or-other (I can’t remember which measure it is,) to make our zoo larger and more humane..” Then the ad goes on to talk about how experts have determined that the Oregon Zoo has exhibits that need to be updated to make them humane. I’ve been leaving this paper on MAX and bus lines around town with this written over the ad “Help keep polar bears prisoner…”
WTF? Make zoos humane? Who are they kidding? How the hell do you make a zoo humane?
Keep up the good work all,
Possum
Sustainable Life?
Utter stupidity!
Shame, shame, shame.
Thank you for posting this Scout,
Christine
I’m ashamed to say I still get cravings for sushi, and salmon’s one of my favorites. Well, since I began reading your stuff about Pacific NW salmon and what they go through I’ve been cutting back on the salmon, since that is the only way I eat it. I even told my little girl’s dad why, because he’s usually with me when I get any. He. Does. Not. Get. It. Still pushes it at me. “Here, I know you like salmon.” Yeah, fuck you too, dude. Oh wait, I did… that’s why I’m now legally attached to you through our daughter. *headdesk*
Seriously, you can out and out tell somebody, “Hey, this is some fucked up shit, these fish are DYING OUT, and they will still push the damn plate at you, like you were telling them about your imaginary six-foot-tall rabbit friend Harvey. WTF.
It just kills me as well that its typically “environmentally minded” publications that push this stuff the most. Rather than taking blame themselves, they, like a 5 year old, just blame something else — in this case, wild plants and animals (I mean “invasive” species.)
There was a story in CA where they poisoned an entire lake in order to eradicate a certain “invasive” fish. In the process, they killed pretty much everything in the lake, wiping out several native species. The targeted “invasive” fish, though, survived. There are countless stories like this one in the “war” against invasive species. Sickening.
@ Dana, most wild-caught Salmon sold in restaurants afaik comes from Alaskan fisheries which afaik aren’t threatened in the way that they are in the PNW. It’s very good for you so enjoy — and work to make them less threatened along the west coast too. Like Scout says if you eat a species you have a responsibility to ensure it’s continuation.
that poster is awesome! you should sell stuff in your shop with that design on it!
I might suggest adding “Your own sorry ass among them” to the “millions of species saved” mentioned on the poster. Too many people just won’t get it unless they can identify with it…