My fatigue has swelled to an insane amount in the last couple months, with headaches and nightmares too. I’ve spent most of my time in a mental battle trying to fight my way out of the brain fog… to no avail. I change diet, I change supplements, I change exercise routines, sleep schedule, and nothing much changes. Maybe I do have Raccoon Roundworm after all! Wouldn’t it be nice if I had health insurance and could get a spinal tap so I could find out that I have an incurable disease that will kill me in a couple months to a couple years? That would be awesome. Perhaps I should be thankful I don’t have health insurance: ignorance is bliss right? Wrong! Not when it’s ignorance of what is making you feel like shit. Enough doom and gloom and paranoid hypochondria… let’s talk about all the fun I’ve been having!
Aside from spending my days mindlessly wandering my house and crying out of frustration and helplessness, I’ve done a bunch of really cool stuff in the last couple months. From teaching basketry at Waldorf to Bow-drill with children of refuges to brainstorming new film ideas and fundraising, fundraising, fundraising.
Waldorf High School Basket Class
For three weeks I worked with the Waldorf High School freshmen class in their basketry block. We harvested ivy from forest park and used it to weave baskets. I had a great time teaching. I really miss doing more environmental education for work, and it is a priority of mine to continue this work. I have created a curriculum for this project and will be running adult ivy basketry classes through Rewild Portland this coming January. Thank everyone at Waldorf!
WAYK Chinuk Wawa Language Instructor
I am now one of the few fluent speakers of Chinuk Wawa (also called Chinook Jargon). I made a website to help support my friends in rekindling the language community: www.learnchinookjargon.wordpress.com. I would like to send my thanks out to Eric Bernando, and his efforts and passion to revitalize his language. If it wasn’t for his efforts, I would not have invested my time into these projects. So thanks Eric for holding the space for the language both physically and spiritually.
Bow-Drill with Refuge Children
A few months back my best friend Tony and I did a gig working with children of refugees. Again, it reminded me of how much I like to do environmental education. I had all the kids working on Bow-drills while Tony taught Cordage and later we led some amazing games of capture the flag. The best part for me though, was that it took place at Scouter’s Mountain (more commonly known now for holding “Cub World”) but when I was a cub scout it was just Scouter’s Mountain. Here at Scouter’s Mountain was where I had my first real connection to nature and the invisible forces.
I was maybe 7 years old. I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, number 2, and couldn’t hold it (this reminds me that I’ve irritable bowel syndrome my whole life grrrrrr). My counselor had to walk me through the dark to the bathroom. A few other anxious kids went with us too use the bathroom as well. The latrine sat right next to the main field and after using it first (I couldn’t hold it!) I waited silently outside for everyone else. I looked into the dark, foggy, mysterious field. I remember seeing so many stars. In the middle of the field stood a single doe, grazing in the moonlight. I can’t explain the power of that moment. I think it was the first time I saw a deer and that she was up and about while everyone was asleep made it all the more awe-inspiring. I can’t say much else about it other than I had a deep impression that; there is another world that exists. one that is different from the one I live in, but happening simultaneously.
Scouter’s Mountain was also the home of the first “tipi” that I ever slept in. It was a wooden shelter with bunks inside. Not exactly the classic Indian model, but for the imagination of a child it did wonders.
Rewild Camp
I put Rewild Camp on hiatus for the winter. I just don’t have the energy for it. When the sun comes back out, so will I.
Fundraising
I’ve been working on my grant-writing skills, both as an individual artist and the executive director of an environmental education non-profit. I plan to apply to several foundations in the coming months for funding for Rewild Camp as well as some film projects focused on rewilding. I’m building a Kickstarter page to raise money for a West Coast book tour that will take place in April. And finally, as I mentioned above I’m going to be running some workshops on English Ivy basketry.
Work Life
As you know, I work in television and internet advertising media production. It’s weird because I always end up feeling much better (health wise) when I am working. Maybe it’s the distraction. Maybe it’s that I’m doing something… I don’t know. I work a decent amount, but at times like these I wish I worked a lot more. I could afford to go to the doctor! I’m not looking for advice on my health by the way, just sympathy and solidarity with all of us out there trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong.
Winter is always the hardest time of the year.
15 responses to “Fatigue & Hibernation Report”
well you know, we are entering an iceage…you’ll have plenty of time to hibernate.
I struggle with fatigue at this time of year as well. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one, at least. Maybe it’s because our culture has things backwards. You get a long break in summer (when you have lots of energy), then activities start back up again in September and reach their peak in winter (when motivation is at an all time low).
If you’re like me, you make yourself worse by imagining that everyone else has it together and you are a horrible slacker. So, to help you feel better, I’m going to reveal that it’s nearly lunchtime and I still haven’t done the breakfast dishes. And it took me three days to finish the laundry this week.
Get some rest, and I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks Vicky. I hope you feel better too. And thanks for reminding me about my laundry!
You got round worms from those nasty raccoons you have been eating. Maybe you make a You Tube channel.
Oh I see that you do have a You Tube channel, maybe you should try to put some rewilding stuff on it! Sorry to hear of your ma laze.
Enjoyed your photos,Urban Scout… loved your Chinook photo with you appearing animated and signing with the group.
So happy you’re grant writing — is it tough to write? I tried it a few times and got no results. Best wishes in your fund raising!
Great to see you’re teaching basket weaving in Waldorf – I love that school. My goddess children go to the elementary section and they love it too.
New topic:
There are some free medical clinics in Portland — I used to go to Outside & In a lot years ago (when I had no health ins) for medical check ups (and acupuncture tx that never worked)and herbs (some really worked) at a very deep discounts- also friendly people there.
http://www.freemedicalcamps.com/vcamp.php?cityid=1696
Hope you’ll find a cure for your chronic fatigue – having no energy and being tired all the time really SUCKS. I’m a master at it.
When I first got Hashimoto’s Thyroid Disease, I noticed I was sleeping solid 8 hours at night and then wake up as if a max truck struck me at 200mph and I still couldn’t stay awake and crash at 11am only to wake up disoriented at 6pm or 7pm! I knew a few months later, I was in serious trouble when I was falling asleep just from sitting a few minutes later at friends’ houses despite after having slept 16 solid hours. Then the nauseating migraines came and aggravating forgetfulness – the final straw was the scary hard heart palpitations which forced me to get a blood test and finally found the reason for all of these symptoms. I am very sad that I am stuck forever on damn thyroid drugs just to keep me alive – I am glad I went to the doctor though, because people were getting angry at me and accused of me being “lazy”. People also accused of me not sticking to my diet and I gained tons of weight – found out cortisol hormones really wrecks people’s bodies when it’s out of sync. Doctors kept telling me if I didn’t cooperate to take medicine, I’d die in less than 8 to 10 years – from either a heart attack, coma or stroke.
Now I have a haunting mantra where I remind myself daily when I pop a pill in my mouth:
“I am borrowing energy, let me get through this day smoothly please.” People cannot believe I am seriously ill — only close friends really know when I’m truly suffering and take care of me.
So, anyway, best wishes in getting medical treatment from a doc.
I totally agree with body naturally slowing down in winters — modern civilization doesn’t allow us to though for the most part.
I remember once when I lived at a commune for 3 weeks in the summer – no electricity, no AC or fan, no running water for toilet, etc. It took me a few days to get used to scorching heat in the day and mosquito infested nights. Suddenly, to my shock, I was out like a light bulb very early in the evenings with no artificial pollution lights poking me in the eyes — no noisy vibrations from vehicles on the street nearby — for the whole 3 weeks I slept early and got up as soon natural light shone in the room. That never happens to me when I am in an urban sprawl or in cities. NEVER.
I am convinced now that modern civilized noise and light pollution and EMF truly affects me in a major way. So, here at my own home, I turn off all electricity in my living room and have bought expensive 99% light blocking liners with my curtains. Happily, I fall asleep faster when it’s pitch black (funny, I am actually phobic of the dark in nature! Go figure that one out) – but I need total blackness to silent my mind-monkey-ADHD chatter. Sensory deprivation sometimes really works.
It annoys the hell out of me when my curtains cannot be sealed 100% and if I don’t close them correctly, blast of bright light pours into my dark room. It’s incredible how the pineal gland will automatically stop producing melatonin – is that how sensitive we are? I wish I could shoot the damn street lamps across the street though – business people and the restaurant on both sides of the corner put these damn bright flood lights and it’s like daytime at night.
Can’t wait when I can move out of the inner city someday and more near by nature away from artificial everything just so my body can naturally flow with nature’s rhythm.
BTW – for anyone interested about adrenal exhaustion – a great book to read is: ADRENAL FATIGUE
by Dr James Wilson
http://www.adrenalfatigue.org/
May everyone get their much needed rest and natural energy to get through everyday.
Your first photo says it all. Have yourself a good snooze and start your cycle over again 🙂
Love dem wicker baskets!!!
Urban Scout, you just need to get a rain jacket, rubber boots and warm pair of socks and go for a walk some where other than the city.
It worked for me,
Bear
RaVen, I feel the same way about lights at night. We live next to an industrial area, and the floodlights shine right through my kids window all night long. You wouldn’t believe how far the sound of beeps from backing forklifts and PA system announcements carry through the night air (or maybe you would). And our neighbors keep their outside lights on all night to discourage prowlers. I don’t think it works, but I suppose it makes them feel better. I hate that we can barely see any stars.
I had some pretty bad fatigue and was to the point of sleeping 18 hours a day. Went to the doctor who ran some blood work and found my Vitamin D was way low. I’ve been on prescription mega doses twice now and started taking multi-vitamin and getting out more. Feel much better.
I was spending my days indoors working on sites and getting out mostly in the evening for years before that. It caught up with me.
Hang in there Scout! The days WILL get longer eventually. And every moment you’re closer.
Maybe you should try suicide.
Eco, you’re a dick. Even more than that, you were a dick on the solstice, and likely still a dick today. If he bothers you that much, ignore his fucking blog. Call it a challenge.
Raven – Hashimoto’s is an autoimmune disease I believe. Yes? Have you looked into Helminthic therapy or Hookworm therapy? It’s a coevolution thing. Civilized people are too clean and dumped the good with the bad. I believe there is a Helminth wiki with all the scientific papers – I don’t remember seeing Hashimoto’s but helminths are working on everything from Crohn’s to eczema, and especially allergies and asthma.
Urban scout – I don’t live in the NW but I imagine it to be very cloudy this time of year. Could you have a vitamin D defficiency? If so, exposing your bare skin to sunlight might help. I think I heard 15 minutes each day if it’s sunny. Not sure if it’s cloudy. Anyway, I hope you feel better!
Hey Scout, I feel your pain. Thankfully we’ve got some nice snow cover out east, makes for easy tracking and takes my mind off “the shit”. Great blog man.